Why am I always striving for what I don't have right now. Sometimes this need for what I don't have is subconscious, sometimes it is deliberate. Right now I feel that I have little control over my life and I think that it is because I am not satisfied with where I am in any facet of my life..
Now that I am writing this I don't think striving is the right word. What is the right word? Longing? Desiring? Yearning?
Some of these things are small and simple while others are life changing and complex.
I am going to use the word "long" even if it doesn't feel totally right (when is the thesaurus when I need one?).
I think that the thing that worries me most is what if I get what I long for and then find that it is not the something that I thought it would be?
Is this the problem? Or is it that it is not as valued because it is now mine? So is it the chase that's most interesting? Or is it that the perceived value changes over time or with the acquisition of what I have been longing for?
Often I realise that I want something, I think about it and sometimes I dismiss the want. However if I determine that I really want it, I work towards it. However as soon as I have it and have treasured it for a moment I move onto something else.
Don't get me wrong, setting goals is a good thing, but it should not be everything. I fear that for me sometimes it is. Also note, the things that I am talking about are not purely material possessions. There are other things.
I have longed for many things and some of them I have, some of them I have given away and some of them were never mine.
Maybe it's time that I stop... for a while it least... all this longing cannot be good for my soul.