Each of us has support people who we lean on when we need strength.
Most of us are support people who have others who lean on us when they need strength.
Relationships that work well have equal measures of support and being supported.
The only problem is when being supported and supporting does not balance. Sometimes this is a larger issue as those who constantly need support without returning it are usually those that believe that they are entitled. People like this drain energy and leave a feeling of trepidation.
I no longer have friends that are like this. I don't have the time, I don't have the energy and I don't have the patience.
I understand that there are times when we all needs a little support, now and again. Sometimes is not a problem, always is.
I thank those who have supported me.
A true deep belly laugh!!!
It is so rare these days to have a true deep belly laugh. When was the last time that you laughed so hard that your stomach cramped and you were unable to stand without leaning against a wall.
I had that the other night with one of my best friends. How can some stupid laytex balls on elastic string cause two mature adults to stand in a hallway late at night and laugh until stomachs cramps make it so bad that you have to stop.
I love laughing. I love laughing over nothing. It's so much better than crying over nothing and it makes me feel so much better. Laughing over nothing is soul lightening and makes my heart beat more gently.
I had that the other night with one of my best friends. How can some stupid laytex balls on elastic string cause two mature adults to stand in a hallway late at night and laugh until stomachs cramps make it so bad that you have to stop.
I love laughing. I love laughing over nothing. It's so much better than crying over nothing and it makes me feel so much better. Laughing over nothing is soul lightening and makes my heart beat more gently.
It's very special... to me
Okay, so we have all seen the ads that talks about the soup in the can that grannie picks off of the shelf, passes to mummy and then onto the daughter.
I have a number of recipes that have been passed to me from my mum, or from my nana, or from my aunty.
These recipes are old style. They are part recipes, that require the feel and not just pure measurement. A pastry recipe that says 5 large handfuls of self-raising flour. It's about how the mixture feels and how well I can remember the way we made it last time at home.
I love the fact that my recipe book is filled with "Mums Spinach Pie" and "Aunty Leslie's Lemon Pie" and "Catherine's Caramel Slice".
These things will live forever. They will be passed to friends who ask for the recipe.
It's very special... to me
I have a number of recipes that have been passed to me from my mum, or from my nana, or from my aunty.
These recipes are old style. They are part recipes, that require the feel and not just pure measurement. A pastry recipe that says 5 large handfuls of self-raising flour. It's about how the mixture feels and how well I can remember the way we made it last time at home.
I love the fact that my recipe book is filled with "Mums Spinach Pie" and "Aunty Leslie's Lemon Pie" and "Catherine's Caramel Slice".
These things will live forever. They will be passed to friends who ask for the recipe.
It's very special... to me
Longing...
Tonight I long for your contact, even though I know that you will not call.
Tonight I want to sit with you, saying nothing and take on your strength.
Tonight I long to curl up with you and absorb your warmth.
Tonight I want to make stupid plans that we will do tomorrow or someday or no day.
Tonight I long to smell your scent as you stand beside me.
Tonight I want to rest my sorrows upon you, to feel you lift me up.
Tonight I long to link my fingers in yours to feel the power in your body.
Tonight I want to share in the memory of your day.
Tonight I long to share my meal with you.
Tonight I want hear you breathing and your laughter as you are amused.
Tonight I long to be with you.
Longing is not a bad thing, sometimes it makes me feel empty.
Tonight I want to sit with you, saying nothing and take on your strength.
Tonight I long to curl up with you and absorb your warmth.
Tonight I want to make stupid plans that we will do tomorrow or someday or no day.
Tonight I long to smell your scent as you stand beside me.
Tonight I want to rest my sorrows upon you, to feel you lift me up.
Tonight I long to link my fingers in yours to feel the power in your body.
Tonight I want to share in the memory of your day.
Tonight I long to share my meal with you.
Tonight I want hear you breathing and your laughter as you are amused.
Tonight I long to be with you.
Longing is not a bad thing, sometimes it makes me feel empty.
What does it for you?
Cold beer on a hot day
Hot apple pie on a cold night
The scent of something bubbling on the stove
The promise of icecream
Sunshine in winter
A cool breeze in summer
A smile during heartbreak
A hug when I least expect it
Flowers in my garden
Consistancy in random world
Hot apple pie on a cold night
The scent of something bubbling on the stove
The promise of icecream
Sunshine in winter
A cool breeze in summer
A smile during heartbreak
A hug when I least expect it
Flowers in my garden
Consistancy in random world
Why?
I understand that you are concerned with the amount of time I am spending at work. I understand that you are concerned with the amount of myself that I am giving to work. I know that you are a little upset because others within my team don't commit to the same amount. I know that it is just a job, and that if I did not do it, then the company would not fall over. I know all of this.
You need to understand that work is the only thing that I have in my life at the moment that I can focus on. It hurts me when you are critical what I am doing, what I choose to do. At the moment my other outlets are not working for me. I am not shopping because I am trying to save. I cannot write because I have no inspiration and where it was once cathartic, it now pains me because all I write about is grey and bleak. I have problems finding a book that I want to read, I start something and then get bored. I have already watched too much tv and spent too much time in bed.
What do you propose that I do? I can't commit to any short courses because they all go over the time when I will be interstate. I can't just sit here and do nothing. Doing nothing makes me think of all the things that I don't have and some of the things that I will never have. I don't see my life becoming something that is sweet in the short term. I have no children. I have no pets. I have noone waiting for me, noone wanting me, noone needing me. I have nothing.
My family don't need me, though they love me dearly.
My friends don't need me, they all have others that they need. These friends have goals that they are working towards. They have partners waiting for them to come home or to come over, they have children or more on the way, they have wedding plans to make, houses to paint, trips to plan. Right now, my life is empty and work fills the void.
I know this is all pathetic. Remind me of this blog if I ever complain about the amount of time that I am working. It is the place where I draw my self worth. Don't take that from me because without it I am less than nothing.
I thought that you understood me better. I thought that you knew that work was always important to me. Work has been so important that I have moved interstate twice, away from my family. Work has been so important that I left my lover in another state. Work has been so important that I was not prepared to give up my work to try to save my relationship.
I have made so many decisions that have lead to my life as it is now. I would not change any of them. What I am doing is not wrong. I am not causing myself harm. I am not harming anyone else. If I was drinking a bottle of wine each night, or taking drugs, or hurting myself I could understand your concern. I'm not doing any of this. I am working. I am trying to see what other people see, so when this project ends, I have something that I can talk about. I need to work more than work needs me. I do know that I won't be changing what I do. I can't half do a job. It's my choice based on the way that my parents raised me. I don't regret it yet.
Why don't you tell me how I can become a better, more rounded person?
Why don't you tell me how to get the whole life/work balance when there is nothing in my life to balance out the things in my work?
Why don't you show me how to reduce the amount that I care about what I have said that I will do?
Why? Why not?
You need to understand that work is the only thing that I have in my life at the moment that I can focus on. It hurts me when you are critical what I am doing, what I choose to do. At the moment my other outlets are not working for me. I am not shopping because I am trying to save. I cannot write because I have no inspiration and where it was once cathartic, it now pains me because all I write about is grey and bleak. I have problems finding a book that I want to read, I start something and then get bored. I have already watched too much tv and spent too much time in bed.
What do you propose that I do? I can't commit to any short courses because they all go over the time when I will be interstate. I can't just sit here and do nothing. Doing nothing makes me think of all the things that I don't have and some of the things that I will never have. I don't see my life becoming something that is sweet in the short term. I have no children. I have no pets. I have noone waiting for me, noone wanting me, noone needing me. I have nothing.
My family don't need me, though they love me dearly.
My friends don't need me, they all have others that they need. These friends have goals that they are working towards. They have partners waiting for them to come home or to come over, they have children or more on the way, they have wedding plans to make, houses to paint, trips to plan. Right now, my life is empty and work fills the void.
I know this is all pathetic. Remind me of this blog if I ever complain about the amount of time that I am working. It is the place where I draw my self worth. Don't take that from me because without it I am less than nothing.
I thought that you understood me better. I thought that you knew that work was always important to me. Work has been so important that I have moved interstate twice, away from my family. Work has been so important that I left my lover in another state. Work has been so important that I was not prepared to give up my work to try to save my relationship.
I have made so many decisions that have lead to my life as it is now. I would not change any of them. What I am doing is not wrong. I am not causing myself harm. I am not harming anyone else. If I was drinking a bottle of wine each night, or taking drugs, or hurting myself I could understand your concern. I'm not doing any of this. I am working. I am trying to see what other people see, so when this project ends, I have something that I can talk about. I need to work more than work needs me. I do know that I won't be changing what I do. I can't half do a job. It's my choice based on the way that my parents raised me. I don't regret it yet.
Why don't you tell me how I can become a better, more rounded person?
Why don't you tell me how to get the whole life/work balance when there is nothing in my life to balance out the things in my work?
Why don't you show me how to reduce the amount that I care about what I have said that I will do?
Why? Why not?
Life moves on
One of my friends grandfather passed away on the weekend. It hurts a little more for her because it was very unexpected. She is lucky to be in her 30th year and to only have just lost her first grandparent. I only have one left. I know she knows it, but I also know that right now is not the time to point it out.
I cooked for her and her family last night. It is a real country thing to do, but something that I felt the need for. I did it because I wanted to, because I cared and just so that there was one less thing for her to need to worry about. Last night I cooked up a storm. Shepards Pie, Chilli Con Carne in many containers. Anyway, I'm off track.
The passing of her granddad got me to thinking about the death of my Pa. It also made me realise that time lifts the weight of the death of loved ones from your shoulders. It does not mean that you forget. I just becomes a burden that it carried by not consistantly felt. The grief, the loss lightens until it is a weight that you can carry without thinking about it.
I still miss my Pa. Part of me feels that I have not completed my grieving process. My love for him was great and I miss him. The last few years of his life were special for us. Although he had lost many of his faculties, he was a pleasure to visit. His nursing home was a nice place. He would try to escape as they had him in lockdown because he would walk off, and they did not want him being hurt. Pa I love you, I miss you, I treasure our memories.
I cooked for her and her family last night. It is a real country thing to do, but something that I felt the need for. I did it because I wanted to, because I cared and just so that there was one less thing for her to need to worry about. Last night I cooked up a storm. Shepards Pie, Chilli Con Carne in many containers. Anyway, I'm off track.
The passing of her granddad got me to thinking about the death of my Pa. It also made me realise that time lifts the weight of the death of loved ones from your shoulders. It does not mean that you forget. I just becomes a burden that it carried by not consistantly felt. The grief, the loss lightens until it is a weight that you can carry without thinking about it.
I still miss my Pa. Part of me feels that I have not completed my grieving process. My love for him was great and I miss him. The last few years of his life were special for us. Although he had lost many of his faculties, he was a pleasure to visit. His nursing home was a nice place. He would try to escape as they had him in lockdown because he would walk off, and they did not want him being hurt. Pa I love you, I miss you, I treasure our memories.
A friend like you...
I hope I have a friend like you when my time comes.
A friend with whom I have very many memories that are so special that they can be relived.
A friend that knows my story and whose story I know.
A friend who is a great person, who I am proud to call friend.
A friend I know will hold my hand for a moment after my death.
A friend who knows what is important, and that sometime the most unimportant things actually mean the most.
A friend that I have laughed with, cried with, cooked with and eaten with.
A friend that I can talk endlessly with for hours, or sit quietly with for days.
A friend that have have dreamed and grieved with.
A friend that I have sung and danced and explored with.
A friend who almost always understands my moods and understands when to come closer and when to stay away.
A friend who has laughed with me, laughed at me and laughed when I was laughing at them.
A friend who has questioned my decisions and has supported me unquestioningly.
A friend like you.
A friend with whom I have very many memories that are so special that they can be relived.
A friend that knows my story and whose story I know.
A friend who is a great person, who I am proud to call friend.
A friend I know will hold my hand for a moment after my death.
A friend who knows what is important, and that sometime the most unimportant things actually mean the most.
A friend that I have laughed with, cried with, cooked with and eaten with.
A friend that I can talk endlessly with for hours, or sit quietly with for days.
A friend that have have dreamed and grieved with.
A friend that I have sung and danced and explored with.
A friend who almost always understands my moods and understands when to come closer and when to stay away.
A friend who has laughed with me, laughed at me and laughed when I was laughing at them.
A friend who has questioned my decisions and has supported me unquestioningly.
A friend like you.
Sad realisation.
I have made a choice to embrass my celebacy and my single state. Today I moved my bed against a wall. This is embracing my oneness. When there is a chance that there are going to be two people each getting out a different side of the bed, the bed must have space for each person to move freely. When there is only one side of the bed, then it is acknowledging the single state. I acknowledge my single status. I embrace my single status. My outward acceptance of this is rearranging my bedroom to provide me with extra space.
It's time I reclaimed my space for me.
Maybe it's time for some new artwork to go on the walls. There is now a lot of blank cream space that I need to cover, to decorate, to make beautiful, to own.
This realisation is not sad. I claim my life for it fits me. I claim my bed with only one side, because there is only me. The space in my bedroom is not mine. Mine for me.
It's time I reclaimed my space for me.
Maybe it's time for some new artwork to go on the walls. There is now a lot of blank cream space that I need to cover, to decorate, to make beautiful, to own.
This realisation is not sad. I claim my life for it fits me. I claim my bed with only one side, because there is only me. The space in my bedroom is not mine. Mine for me.
Advance in technology
Okay, okay, I know... I've had broadband and the power for wireless networking at home for a little while. Well today I am having my first day off in 3 weeks... Yeah me. So I decided that it was time to remove the potential wire trap in my house (a phone cable snaking from one room to the other).
Here I am now. Wireless adapter installed, wireless network locked, wireless internet I am surfing... does it feel different? No... Do I like it? Well, I can answer that more honestly once I have finished relocating the router and all the stuff that ges with it...
Time for me to stop procrastinating... Ah, I love it... Procrastinating that is :P
Here I am now. Wireless adapter installed, wireless network locked, wireless internet I am surfing... does it feel different? No... Do I like it? Well, I can answer that more honestly once I have finished relocating the router and all the stuff that ges with it...
Time for me to stop procrastinating... Ah, I love it... Procrastinating that is :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)