Wow
It's been almost 2 months since I have made an entry. I have often felt the need to express my thoughts and feelings, but a lot of things are better left unsaid and a lot of things have changed in the last couple of months.
I've changed jobs and I've hooked up with my Ex. All in the last month, actually, all of this change has happened within the last 2 weeks.
Let's start on the new job... I have been bored for a little while at my old job. I was tired with pushing people to help me advance. I was tired with being told no or not now or later. I was tired of being a no one who cared too much doing things that few recognised. An old work collegue asked me for my resume, insisting that there was nothing was sure, but there was a job she knew I could do and thought that I would enjoy. I sent the resume and then had a period of mad rushes for interviews during cancelled work holidays and then the longest moments of nothingness. In the end after 2 interviews and 3 phone calls I was offered a new job, with a new company. I have a lot to offer, but the things that I will learn far outway the risk. After almost 10 years I said goodbye to the company, and a lot of the people I had worked with over this time and hello to something new.
Hooking up with the Ex... Well, between the old job and the new job I went home to visit the fam and the friends. It was a whirlwind holiday, but I made a point of meeting up with the ex. I needed to see him. My feelings, even after many tormented nights and extended conversations and blogs, had not moved on. So I decided that I needed to confront this things head on. When life is in change, more change is less intimidating. So we caught up for a late night coffee and then started talking about all the things that needed to be said. Little has changed. He is still going to need to be there and I am not prepared to move. I still want to be down here and he is not prepared to move. This means that we are going to try to have an exclusive relationship, long distance without being obsessive about each other. We will visit each other every so often, talk every now and then and email occasionally. Hopefully one day we will be able to be together. I know, I know. It's strange and non-conventional, but I want to be with him.
Anyway, I should go and do stuff.
Will post again soon.