I had a melt down at work

Unfortunately I had a melt down at work.

I can't believe I cried and then left like a child.

Today the world has just become too much.

Early to bed for me tonight...

My sisters strength

Sometimes my sisters strength of character amazes me. Today, she spent all the day at the hospital, waiting for Mum to come out of surgery. Waiting to find out what was going on. Waiting while they said that Mum was in Recovery. Waiting with Mum while she napped in Intensive Care.

Sometimes I wish I was more like her. Sometimes I wish that I was there so that I could be strong for those that I love.

To all the dreamers out there.

Dreams are precious and need to be held on to. May your dreams come true...
May the moment of reality be as sweet as the hours spent dreaming...
I hope that you will not forget these dreams that you make...
I hope that the dreams you don't speak of also come true...+

I am in awe of you. You have your dreams and you share them...
You may be afraid, but you never let the fear chase you from what you really want...
When the moment of reckoning comes, you will not be disappointed...
You will have lived well. You will have loved well. You dared to dream...

For you the setting darkness is not something to hide from...
Darkness means that night is upon the world...
The harsh world of reality fades from the naked eye...
The beauty of the dreaming has opened up...

You dream...

The echo from your dream lives long after you awake...
You are never alone for the part of you that dreams all day is there...
Smile when you wake from the daydream...
Remember when you wipe the sleep from your eyes...

The fog of your dream lifts as the moment slowly fades..
You will not be let down...
Now comes the memory, the sweetness, the hope, the light...
Dreams in darkness bring you light..
As do dreams in the daylight...

Please note...

IF YOU HAVE MUSIC ON YOUR BLOG OR ON YOUR WEBPAGE ALL YOU MAKE ME DO IS LEAVE... not later, not soon...RIGHT NOW

I went a-searching

I went a-searching for inspiration for something to blog about. I flicked from blog to blog, excited and glad to see new posts by friends on their blogs. Happy to look at their favourite blogs to see who interested them, what blogs they enjoyed enough to link to theirs.

I found the superhero journal for the month of April. On that page, at the top of the blog page there was a photo of some street art on the "sidewalk".

Your existance
gives me hope.

I think that we each have at least one person whose very existance gives us
hope. I have many, all different shapes, all different sizes and for all different reasons.

At last I feel that I am gaining control of my life

And that is all there is to say...

I want a fairytale

I want a fairytale to happen to me. I want someone to come and sweep me off my feet. To find out what my dreams are and then to make them come true.

It's the little things that would be important. I want to dance under the starlight to music that dances on the breeze. I want someone to make dinner and then to share it with them by candle light. I want someone write a letter declaring how they feel. I want someone to indulge my every whim for a day. I want someone to tuck me in, and kiss me softly on my forehead. I want to watch a roaring fire with a glass of red wine. I want someone to spend some time planning something, a day or a weekend of spending time and wasting a while. I want to explore exotic places, and to cross things off of the to do list that we share. I want someone to laugh with, to cry with, to dream and to try with. I want someone to hold me when I am afraid. I want someone to tell me when I am wrong. And now my dream crosses from what will never be, to what I hope one day will be.

These dreams are silly childish dreams, but like a child, I will believe that one day they will come true. Some will, some will not. It will be interesting to see which ones do.

One day I will have my someone, the one who I will build my dreams with. Until that day, I will continue to dream and I will continue to build on my dreams on my own.

My Mum

I've just gotten off the phone to my sister. My mum is having an operation on Monday. She saw a specialist a couple of weeks ago, and then went back because they called her with results that they needed to talk to her about... They said that it wasn't anything major.

Now they are saying that there may be a chance that she need chemo.

I don't know what to think. I do know that they are doing what they are doing to err on the side of caution.

I asked if they wanted me to come home for it. They said no.

Now all I have to do is not talk about this. People won't understand my need to respect my family and their preference. All I know is if there is something wrong, I will be there in a heartbeat.

I just hope that they are overreacting. Erring on the side of caution sounds good in practice, but is very scary...

The need to care...

I am curretly finding that I have a need to care... It is becoming obvious that my need to care is coming out in the need to cook for others...

This need manifests itself in muffins on Tuesday and soup on Wednesday...

Maybe it is time that I get my own family...

It's been a while since I have blogged.

It's been a while since I have wanted to interact with people. I think I came back from holidays on a low, and now have found my normality.

I went home, to visit family and friends. Part of my plan was to have a coffee or a meal with the ex. I planned to see him so that I would be able to work out what I feel, and what I want to do about it. We had planned to meet, but just before we were meant to catch up, he decided that he couldn't. He said that he could not see me because he would have to get over me again. I don't understand. HE DUMPED ME.

Anyway, that whole episode has put a downer on the holidays, and I have just started back into the routine of life.

I went out for dinner with some friends on Tuesday night. We went to a cafe where I went with the ex on one of his last visits. I bought some hand made chocolates and was going to send them to the ex as a reminder. On the drive home, I decided that this was a bad idea. The next day, I gave them to a girl at work who I thought needed a lift. Her Nana had just been diagnosed with cancer, so I thought the chocolates would cheer her up. It was a good thing.

I have come to the realisation that I still love my ex. I still want to be with him, but my pride is stopping me. I now know I will love my ex forever. I know that it sounds pathetic, but it is true. I can love him forever. I was unable to get over him last time, and I won't get over him this time. I am able to love him, I have just decided that he will not effect the way I live my life. I am at peace with the love that I feel.

Please don't think of me as pathetic. I have been blessed to find the one that was for me. My dreams slipped through my fingers, but if I had to do it all over again, I would not change a thing.

"These days" - thoughts that autumn brings

It's coming round again
The slowly creeping hand
Of time and its command
Soon enough it comes
And settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Puts pressure in my day

This life well it's slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned

It's coming round again
The slowly creeping hand
Of time and its command
It settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Puts pressure in my day
Soon enough it comes
Here it is again
The slowly creaping hand
Of time and its command
Soon enough it comes
Settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Undignified and lame

This life well it's slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned
Control well it's slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned

Soon enough it comes
Soon enough it comes
To tie us down

Thanks Powderfinger