It's been a while since I have wanted to interact with people. I think I came back from holidays on a low, and now have found my normality.
I went home, to visit family and friends. Part of my plan was to have a coffee or a meal with the ex. I planned to see him so that I would be able to work out what I feel, and what I want to do about it. We had planned to meet, but just before we were meant to catch up, he decided that he couldn't. He said that he could not see me because he would have to get over me again. I don't understand. HE DUMPED ME.
Anyway, that whole episode has put a downer on the holidays, and I have just started back into the routine of life.
I went out for dinner with some friends on Tuesday night. We went to a cafe where I went with the ex on one of his last visits. I bought some hand made chocolates and was going to send them to the ex as a reminder. On the drive home, I decided that this was a bad idea. The next day, I gave them to a girl at work who I thought needed a lift. Her Nana had just been diagnosed with cancer, so I thought the chocolates would cheer her up. It was a good thing.
I have come to the realisation that I still love my ex. I still want to be with him, but my pride is stopping me. I now know I will love my ex forever. I know that it sounds pathetic, but it is true. I can love him forever. I was unable to get over him last time, and I won't get over him this time. I am able to love him, I have just decided that he will not effect the way I live my life. I am at peace with the love that I feel.
Please don't think of me as pathetic. I have been blessed to find the one that was for me. My dreams slipped through my fingers, but if I had to do it all over again, I would not change a thing.