I went driving through the mountains on the weekend. My destination was a santuary, a gallery set on a couple of hectares. 93 ceremic sculptures set in some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen.
I was by myself, so I turned left when the road to the left looked interesting and turned right when there was a sign pointing me in a different direction. The weather was beautiful. The sky was filled with whisps of clouds, and the sun was warm but not burning. The mountain air was cool enough to require a light coat, but warm enough to leave it open. I took photo after photo. The shades of green are fantastic. So many different shades, so many different textures... Stunning...
On the drive home I took a detour of my own choice. I'm driving down the curving traec, loving the twists and turns in the road. I've my window down, feeling the cool breeze and the sunshin on my skin. I round a curve and the blast of smoke hits me in the face. I look left and look right and there are no flames. The next corner exposes a recently burnt hillside to my left. It's strange to see the scar of the fire. I have to pull over so that I can take some time and soak it all in. I get out and walk across the road. Before me through the burnt tree trunks is a stunningly green valley. The blackness spreads before me, contrasting with the green. I turn to cross back across the road and notice that further up the hill, the bush was burnt a little earlier. There was a mass of green where new shoots had broken through the blackness.
I'm amazed at resilence of the Australian Bush.
I am not anti-social
I require plenty of alone time to recharge after being in the presence of other people. I work in a job where I talk to people hours and hours a day. When I finish work I like to run away. I like to hide in my home. I am not anti-social. In a social situation, I am the social butterfly, flitting from group to group, from conversation to conversation.
Most people think that I am an extravert. This is not an act, but it is not truely me. I crave, no I need to spend time on my own. I love time on my own.
I hope that people don't see me as secretive or unfriendly... as aloof and superior... as a snob. If they do, there is nothing I can do about this. If I was a man I might be seen as mysterious or intense... as a "dark-silent" type... I am a lurker, I hang out on the fringes and I watch a lot fo what goes on.
I do get short with people. I do run out of patience, and I have a low tolerance for people who are dumb and an even shorter tolerance for people who act dumb.
I love that I can be an extrovert. I love that I am an introvert. I love the way that I am...
Most people think that I am an extravert. This is not an act, but it is not truely me. I crave, no I need to spend time on my own. I love time on my own.
I hope that people don't see me as secretive or unfriendly... as aloof and superior... as a snob. If they do, there is nothing I can do about this. If I was a man I might be seen as mysterious or intense... as a "dark-silent" type... I am a lurker, I hang out on the fringes and I watch a lot fo what goes on.
I do get short with people. I do run out of patience, and I have a low tolerance for people who are dumb and an even shorter tolerance for people who act dumb.
I love that I can be an extrovert. I love that I am an introvert. I love the way that I am...
Imperfect People
Imperfect people make this world perfect.
Imperfect people talk too loud from behind their partition at work.
Imperfect people laugh too long at a joke that was not funny.
Imperfect people walk into conversations that should not be made.
Imperfect people make logical arguements in illogical discussions.
Imperfect people bake cakes with pure butter icing.
Imperfect people have bad hair days.
Imperfect people continue to dance when the music stops.
Imperfect people drive fast in the slow lane.
Imperfect people stare at the sky as the earth crumbles around them.
Imperfect people spend more than they make on thing that they don't need.
Imperfect people wear crinkled clothes that do not match.
Imperfect people cry when they are sad or happy.
Imperfect people write notes on their hands to remind them what not to do.
Imperfect people love too wrong for too long.
Imperfect people adore melted icecream and luke warm coffee.
Imperfect people drink red wine with white fleshed fish.
Imperfect people are perfect becasuse they are imperfect in so many ways.
Imperfect people talk too loud from behind their partition at work.
Imperfect people laugh too long at a joke that was not funny.
Imperfect people walk into conversations that should not be made.
Imperfect people make logical arguements in illogical discussions.
Imperfect people bake cakes with pure butter icing.
Imperfect people have bad hair days.
Imperfect people continue to dance when the music stops.
Imperfect people drive fast in the slow lane.
Imperfect people stare at the sky as the earth crumbles around them.
Imperfect people spend more than they make on thing that they don't need.
Imperfect people wear crinkled clothes that do not match.
Imperfect people cry when they are sad or happy.
Imperfect people write notes on their hands to remind them what not to do.
Imperfect people love too wrong for too long.
Imperfect people adore melted icecream and luke warm coffee.
Imperfect people drink red wine with white fleshed fish.
Imperfect people are perfect becasuse they are imperfect in so many ways.
I love country music...
From this
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
You just can't stand
To see me happy
Seeing you hurt me
All you can
Still I go on loving you
But I never understand
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
To love and hate at the same time
The line between the two is fine
The two have owned me heart and soul
So strong that I can't let you go
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery that I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the pain of loving you
To this
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
I'll be good to him
I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there will come a day
That I'll walk alongside of him
Yes just to know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Why can't he see me
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Just have to love Dolly Parton... just have to... there is no other option
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
You just can't stand
To see me happy
Seeing you hurt me
All you can
Still I go on loving you
But I never understand
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
To love and hate at the same time
The line between the two is fine
The two have owned me heart and soul
So strong that I can't let you go
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery that I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the pain of loving you
To this
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
I'll be good to him
I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there will come a day
That I'll walk alongside of him
Yes just to know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Why can't he see me
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Just have to love Dolly Parton... just have to... there is no other option
I hope I don't end up with regret
Tonight I've been watching a TV program about women having babies.
I've always known that it is more difficult to fall pregnant, carrying a baby to term and giving birth to a healthy baby when you (as a woman) are older than 30. It is harder to fall and IVF is not always an option or even if it is, not always a solution. There is the increased chance of having a miscarriage. There are increased risks of serious illness to the baby.
For the last couple of months or more, I have been wanting to have a baby. I want to be a mum, but I am not in a relationship. Now I know that I don't need to be in a relationship or married to have a baby. I could not imagine having a child and having noone to share it with.
I hope that I don't find that in the future that I look back and regret the decisions that I have made. I think that this may be one of the few things that I may look back and regret.
I've always known that it is more difficult to fall pregnant, carrying a baby to term and giving birth to a healthy baby when you (as a woman) are older than 30. It is harder to fall and IVF is not always an option or even if it is, not always a solution. There is the increased chance of having a miscarriage. There are increased risks of serious illness to the baby.
For the last couple of months or more, I have been wanting to have a baby. I want to be a mum, but I am not in a relationship. Now I know that I don't need to be in a relationship or married to have a baby. I could not imagine having a child and having noone to share it with.
I hope that I don't find that in the future that I look back and regret the decisions that I have made. I think that this may be one of the few things that I may look back and regret.
The unsaid thoughts
Are unsaid thoughts dangerous? I conversed with an image of my ex while washing up. This is the extent of the conversation...
I pride myself on honesty, but I have been dishonest with you and with myself. The truth is that I still love you. I always have and fear that I always will.
I wanted to ask you if there was any chance for us to be together. I wanted to ask and for you to tell me yes or no. If you said yes, I would have been scared and lost. If you said no, I would have be sad and lost. I have spent a large time of my life deluding myself. I still feel like I don't know why we broke up. I'm sure that I had a significant amount of impact into this, but I don't understand my part. I don't understand wha tI need to do to improve me. I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
I still think about us. Have you been thinking about us? I think about the things that we did. I think about the places we have been, the meals that we have shared and the memories we created. I miss you. I miss the scent of you, the feel of you and the taste of you. I miss sharing my life with you, my triumphs and tragedies. I miss curling up into you and waking up with you. I miss the way that you made me feel when we were together. I miss the excitment that you brought to my life.
I pride myself on honesty, but I have been dishonest with you and with myself. The truth is that I still love you. I always have and fear that I always will.
I wanted to ask you if there was any chance for us to be together. I wanted to ask and for you to tell me yes or no. If you said yes, I would have been scared and lost. If you said no, I would have be sad and lost. I have spent a large time of my life deluding myself. I still feel like I don't know why we broke up. I'm sure that I had a significant amount of impact into this, but I don't understand my part. I don't understand wha tI need to do to improve me. I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
I still think about us. Have you been thinking about us? I think about the things that we did. I think about the places we have been, the meals that we have shared and the memories we created. I miss you. I miss the scent of you, the feel of you and the taste of you. I miss sharing my life with you, my triumphs and tragedies. I miss curling up into you and waking up with you. I miss the way that you made me feel when we were together. I miss the excitment that you brought to my life.
Feeling antisocial
I've been feeling antisocial all week. I've been rude to friends and family on the phone, I've been rude to people at work. I've had my phone off the hook since I got home from work on Friday night. I've not spoken to anyone. No person to person, no phone, no sms and no email.
I've not spent my weekend shopping, and I have not even done the groceries for next the coming week. I've spent the weekend fiddle farting around. I'm moved things from the garage to the spare room, from my room to the spare room, from the lounge room to the garage. I've swept and I've vacuumed and I plan to mop. I've soaked, and I've washed and I've dried clothing and curtains and doona covers.
I've had a face mask, a hair mask and now I'm covered in a thin layer of nutty scented body lotion. I've finished a book and I'm half way through another. I've been listening to music I rarely get a chance to listen to. I've eaten scrambled eggs for breakfast, toasted sandwiches for lunch and frozen leftovers for dinner. I've made and drunk pots of coffee. I've set my alarm for early and slept in late.
I've sorted and folded the linen closet. I've rearranged my room. I've put the spare room into a pretty image of a guest room.
I feel like I've made this weekend a cocoon for myself. It's now almost 5pm on Sunday and I'm starting to think about emerging from the cocoon to face the coming week.
Later I'll plug my phone back in and call my family to let them know that I am alive and well.
I may have been feeling antisocial, but now I am feeling settled. I like it and might have to do this more often.
I've not spent my weekend shopping, and I have not even done the groceries for next the coming week. I've spent the weekend fiddle farting around. I'm moved things from the garage to the spare room, from my room to the spare room, from the lounge room to the garage. I've swept and I've vacuumed and I plan to mop. I've soaked, and I've washed and I've dried clothing and curtains and doona covers.
I've had a face mask, a hair mask and now I'm covered in a thin layer of nutty scented body lotion. I've finished a book and I'm half way through another. I've been listening to music I rarely get a chance to listen to. I've eaten scrambled eggs for breakfast, toasted sandwiches for lunch and frozen leftovers for dinner. I've made and drunk pots of coffee. I've set my alarm for early and slept in late.
I've sorted and folded the linen closet. I've rearranged my room. I've put the spare room into a pretty image of a guest room.
I feel like I've made this weekend a cocoon for myself. It's now almost 5pm on Sunday and I'm starting to think about emerging from the cocoon to face the coming week.
Later I'll plug my phone back in and call my family to let them know that I am alive and well.
I may have been feeling antisocial, but now I am feeling settled. I like it and might have to do this more often.
It's been a while
It's been a while since I've blogged. A fair bit has happened, none of it earthshattering, but all of it adds up to a lot.
I went home to a family reunion. I caught up with a large amount of family, from near and far. It was fun and I am glad that it happnes once every couple of years.
I have been working on my resume, working on assignments.
My housemate has moved out. I have been setting my home back into my home.
I have been thinking about friends who I rarely get to. I have been weighing up relationships that I have and find some of them lacking. I don't know what to do about that.
I have been knitting.
I have been fighting loneliness and the desire to be with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't kno wif it beats faster because of the way he makes me feel or because I am scared. Maybe it is a combination of both.
I have read a couple of books and watched way too much TV.
Life is busy and it is starting to get back to some sense of normality.
I went home to a family reunion. I caught up with a large amount of family, from near and far. It was fun and I am glad that it happnes once every couple of years.
I have been working on my resume, working on assignments.
My housemate has moved out. I have been setting my home back into my home.
I have been thinking about friends who I rarely get to. I have been weighing up relationships that I have and find some of them lacking. I don't know what to do about that.
I have been knitting.
I have been fighting loneliness and the desire to be with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't kno wif it beats faster because of the way he makes me feel or because I am scared. Maybe it is a combination of both.
I have read a couple of books and watched way too much TV.
Life is busy and it is starting to get back to some sense of normality.
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