Feelings

Why is it so hard to tell family how we feel. I find it difficult to express things to my friends, but it is easier than telling my family.

As a child I repressed my feelings and expressed them in poetry that no one has ever read. Not even just as a child, I do it still.

There have been rare occassions when I have taken the plunge and expressed my deepest truest feelings. Occassionally I have said the things that I needed to say with love, but often it has been with anger.

I love my family and I love my friends. I keep myself wrapped up, protected. I don't really know why. I am scared of being hurt, so by showing only part of myself I am able to keep myself whole. The problem is that I don't give everything and therefore know htat I will never get everything back.

I wish I was a person who was more able openly express myself. I am trying harder. Things are easier to say in words on paper. There are sometimes letters and emails that share what I feel. Most offen in words in cards at birthdays.

Like most of my family, my feelings are expressed in the actions, in the things that I do. Words are just letters arrange to show what I want them to show. Words can lie. Actions rarely lie. Repeated actions do not lie.

My friends and family should know that I love them by the things that I do. I am going to try to say these things more.