Sometimes I feel trapped in this life. Trapped and cheated of what I want from it. Where are the things that I long for? Where is the relationships, the intimacy, the love and passion?
I am too private. I keep to many secrets from the worl. I am a victim of the image that I have created. I am often saving other people, listing to their problems, supporting their causes, handing out advice. I am unable to admit, sometimes even to myself, the misery I sometimes feel.
My life feels like a merry-go-round without the music, without the lights and laughter, without the horses and the carriages. Sometimes it goes round and round in frustrated silence. I am too scared to make a change in case everything grinds to a stop. I am scared that it will just go round and round and round without every going anywhere.
I try to do the right thing. I try not to hurt anyone. I try to conform to what I think others need and want me to be. Is this going to destroy me? Is this going to destroy those I love?
One thing I know is that faking life will eventually kill you. A death that is slow and painful to all involved.