Often my mind will not be quiet. I am unable to silence it when it screams at me. Screams for doing things, for not doing things.
Right now I am calm. I am quiet and empty.
During the long nights when I can't sleep, when I toss and turn, if there is anything I seek then it is this. The calm.
If I believed in God, I would pray for this. If there is a God or something higher, for me it is this. The calm.
At night, when I long to be held there is no one. When I have to find something that will hold me when I need to hold on, it is the calm.
When I am calm. There is no anger. There is no rage. There is no want. There is no need. There is no desire. There is no hatred. No shame. No regret. No grief, nor sadness nor depression.
Most of all there is no fear. There is absolutely no fear.
When a person lives without fear, then they cannot be broken.
When a person lives with fear, then they are broken before they begins to live.
The calm is that which I am seeking. I have right now but will lose again.