Dear John
This is not going to be the kind of letter that you will be expecting. In fact this letter is more for me than it is for you. You have a right to read it and the right to decide not to.
I have just realised that I have loved you for as long as I can remember. Although the love has lasted for many reasons, the primary reason that it has to stop is that you don't want me, and you don't want my love. I can deal with that. You say that you love me, and that may be true, but it was not enough. Both times our love was not enough for you to want to work on us.
The love that I have for you must become nothing more than a memory. I wait for the day that you stop haunting me. The love that I have for you is like my favourite jumper. When I wrap myself up in it, I feel so safe and warm and special. Memories flood through my mind. Like my favourite jumper, it is time that I wrap my love for you up in a ball and place it to the side. I will not ever wear it again, but when I see it, I will smile for all that it meant to me.
I don't want to let go of the love that I feel for you. It has been a part of me for so long that the thought of letting it go makes me feel hollow. However holding onto something that does not exist does not fill me up. It is just something that I cling to, a shadow that I wish would turn into something solid so I could reach out and hold on.
What I was able to give you was not enough. I understand that. What you were willing to give me was also not enough. Always a case of too little, and for you it also became a case of too late.
There are many things that I do not understand, but I also know that you will be unable or unwilling to help my understanding. I know this and am not even going to ask. I am unwilling to wait years for an explanation that may never supply me with the answers that I need.
I know that you may see things differently to me. I know this will be the truth. I did have doubts, but they were never so dark that I could not see the light. I wish that you had given me an opportunity to show you that you were wrong about us not working. You did not. You had made your decision without consulting me. I am saddened that this seems to be your way to deal with life.
I never wanted for you to go, but I cannot keep you here when you don't want to stay. Once before I loved you and let you go, believing that if you returned to me that you would be mine forever. After 2 years you did return to me. I had given up hope, but slowly I believed that you were true. I was wrong. This time I have let you go, while knowing that you have already gone and now I know that you will never return to be mine.
I do wish for you happiness.
I regret that I did not loved you as you wished to be loved.
I regret all the things that I planned and never got to share.
I regret not kissing you one more time.
I regret not holding on tighter.
I regret not giving you the support that you needed.
I regret not challenging you to be more.
I regret that I had a negative effect on your life.
I regret the dreams that started to form.
I regret not jumping in with both feet.
I regret that I have all these regrets.
And I will regret hoping for a response from you.
May you find someone to love you as you need to be loved.
May you love them in return.
May your pain never be too much bear.
May sun shine on you on the coldest of days.
May you always find a cool breeze in the summer heat.
May you find someone who makes you feel special like you have always made me feel.
May you find a path that you wish to follow to the end.
May your journey be smooth and easy.
May you be challenged and feel that you have achieved.
May you have more in common with your next love.
May you learn the joy of differences, as they are an opportunity to explore new things.
May you build a place to call your home.
May you learn the sweetness of unconditional love.
May laughter be easy on your lips.
May your dreams come true.
May life live up to your expectations.
May you never regret decisions that you make.
May you realise all that I had to offer, and therefore all you gave up.
A part of me will always love you, will always smile when I think of what you meant to me. Now you will you go from my future to my past, you will become only a memory.
You broadened my world and expanded my horizons.
You helped turn me into a woman who appears to be confidenent and proud.
You showed me that I am worth more than I think I am.
You believed in me when I did not.
You supported me when I was fragile.
You let me fight when I believed that I had no other choice.
Thankyou for all the things that you showed me, all the things that you taught me.
Thankyou for sharing your family with me. They accepted me for who I was without judging me.
Thankyou for reconfirming how lucky I am to have friends who will support me even when they doubt the decisions that I have made.
Thankyou for loving me even for a moment.
Thankyou for making me believe that I was beautiful and desirable.
Thankyou for all the little things that I will never be able to recount.
Thankyou for helping me become the woman that I am now.
Thankyou for showing me the beauty that you saw in the world. For an instant I saw me reflected in your eyes, and then I understood.
Thanks for it all...
I would not have missed one second for the entire world.
Goodbye and goodluck.
Love be with you always
Me