It's been a long time since I blog. Life has been busy, and I'll write about that soon. Right now I need to get something off of my chest.
For the last couple of days or weeks I've been building myself up for a fall. That fall has come. Yesterday I was expecting you to call. You see, yesterday 9 years ago was the first day that we meet. And I thought that you had been working up to call me.
I don't know what is wrong with me. You have been overseas and you sent me postcards from your holiday. This was all I needed to believe that you were thinking of me without me contacting you.
I don't know what I am doing with this post. I have spoken endlessly to others that I will never be with you again. I don't know if that is true. I still love you and can't or won't stop. I'm not going to analyse what thinking about you means because I know that I choose to think of you.
So yesterday I had been building up in my mind the conversation that I thought that we would have. It did not happen and this morning I was in a little but of a blue funk. My life is not on hold. I am not waiting for you. I do long for you, but then longing without action causes little pain.
Now I am filled with questions that I will never have answers for. I promised myself that I would not be the one to start contact. I would not be the one to call you. I would not be the one to send a text or to write the email. So I write this to you without ever sending it to you.
Castles - Sandi Thom
I am just skimming stones against the lake
While my dreams pass me by
Because I've never know what to make of life
But I guess I am willing to try
Sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse
Sometimes it heals and sometimes it hurts
So hail to the morning
For every dawn's down on me
Cause now that I get to thinking
Some castles lie way beneath the sea
You always said that it would be
Such a long summer
And now it's here and I can break the ice
On this cold water
Sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse
Sometimes it heals and sometimes it hurts
So hail to the morning
For every dawn's down on me
Cause now that I get to thinking
Some castles lie way beneath the sea
So hail to the morning
For every dawn's down on me
Cause now that I get to thinking
This life is a mystery
So long live the moonlight
For every dawn's down on me
And stand to part the ocean
I'll find my castle lies way beneath the sea