* To drink a bottle of champagne with him, and to follow it with a number of Espresso Martini's
* To hear his darkest fantasy
* To send him an embrassingly large bunch of flowers or balloons to work
* To help him out of his coat
* To buy him expensive cologne
* To thrill him by taking him out to dinner dressed the way he likes me to
* To softly kiss his lips
* To watch him shave in the morning
* To listen to him talk about something he read or saw
* To laugh at his jokes
* To listen to the sound of his voice, soft and low
* To feel is response to my passionate kisses
* To talk with him for hours about nothing and everything, about life, about people
* To tease him about the mess he makes when he cooks
* To walk on a beach with my hand encased in his
* To feel like the most beautiful woman in the world when he looks at me
* To meet his eyes across the room and know what he is thinking about
* To position my body under his in the pool to help him lay there and float
* To slow dance with him
* To torment him with the things that no one else notices that are completed just for him
* To share tea and toast late in the evening
* To let him decide what we are going to do
* To spend a weekend together, where the outside world ceases to exist
* To share his body heat
I just wish that it never ended
I can still smell his skin
I can still feel his arm around my hip
I remember it felt reassuring and protective
I remember feeling him watch me as I crossed the room
I was amazed by his eyes that seemed so deep
That I could jump in and seek refuge
He spoke a melody of wonderful things to me
I remember what I heard
And I remember feeling exhilarated
I could cry ad I knew that he would listen
I could disappoint him and I knew with all certainty
That he would always forgive me
I could amaze and bewilder him
And yet I knew that he would never be bored with me
I could see parts of him that he didn't know anyone could see
I helped him see the beauty within him
He did the same for me
I aways saw his talents
His passion
His love of life
And I always felt his intense love for me
He was my best friend
No woman could have ever asked for more
I just wish that it never ended
I can still feel his arm around my hip
I remember it felt reassuring and protective
I remember feeling him watch me as I crossed the room
I was amazed by his eyes that seemed so deep
That I could jump in and seek refuge
He spoke a melody of wonderful things to me
I remember what I heard
And I remember feeling exhilarated
I could cry ad I knew that he would listen
I could disappoint him and I knew with all certainty
That he would always forgive me
I could amaze and bewilder him
And yet I knew that he would never be bored with me
I could see parts of him that he didn't know anyone could see
I helped him see the beauty within him
He did the same for me
I aways saw his talents
His passion
His love of life
And I always felt his intense love for me
He was my best friend
No woman could have ever asked for more
I just wish that it never ended
I miss my Pa
I went for a walk today. The sun was shining and the breeze was cool. I was wearing a jumper but enjoying the cool air against my skin where the zipper was down. I was almost home after strolling around for an hour or so. No one was out an about, the roads were deserterd and the footpaths were free.
I was noticing that the first real signs of autumn are here. Some of the plants are having their last hoorah with bright blooms dancing on the breeze. Others are fruiting and dropping spent fruit on the ground. Perhaps they hope that rain will come and the spent fruit will form young sapplings when the Spring arrives. Here we are, not even in Winter and I am hoping for Spring. Leaves are starting to turn to pale shades of green, some are further along with yellow licking the edges of the leaves.
I really love this time of year. Blankets on the bed, jumpers on at night, a chill in the early morning and a pleasant day. I love watching as the trees settle in for the winter. The colour of their leaves change, and they shed them slowly. The mounds of drying leaves lay on the grass, on the footpath and on the road. They pile up against walls and fill gutters.
Anyway, as I turned the corner for home I walked past this older gentleman. He smiled at me but did not make eye contact. As he passed me, his scent hit me. I was knocked for six. This man smelt like my grandfather. I don't know what it was, but I turned and watched him walk away. He had his hair cut as my grandfather did, short back and sides with a little length on top to allow for a graceful part on the side. He may have used the cream that my grandfather used to slick it down. He was wearing a knitted cardigan. He had dress pants on, iron with a crease down the legs. This is how my grandfather always dressed. I watched him walking away with a tear in my eye. A car drove past and I realised that I was staring. I turned and walked towards home.
I closed my eyes and was transported to my childhood. I could smell my grandfather in my mind. To me, my grandfather is a combination of 4 smells:
He is the smell of the earth when the rain has just fallen - rich, dusty and earthy.
He is the smell of the stranger who passed me on the street - clean and fresh.
He is the smell of peppermint on his breath as he would lean forward to kiss me hello or goodbye - sweet and minty
And he is the scent of old style cigarettes, the kind that you roll yourself - lingering and slightly bitter.
All of these would envelop you as you hugged him tight. This always made me feel safe and secure.
I miss my Pa. Today just reminded me how much this is true.
I was noticing that the first real signs of autumn are here. Some of the plants are having their last hoorah with bright blooms dancing on the breeze. Others are fruiting and dropping spent fruit on the ground. Perhaps they hope that rain will come and the spent fruit will form young sapplings when the Spring arrives. Here we are, not even in Winter and I am hoping for Spring. Leaves are starting to turn to pale shades of green, some are further along with yellow licking the edges of the leaves.
I really love this time of year. Blankets on the bed, jumpers on at night, a chill in the early morning and a pleasant day. I love watching as the trees settle in for the winter. The colour of their leaves change, and they shed them slowly. The mounds of drying leaves lay on the grass, on the footpath and on the road. They pile up against walls and fill gutters.
Anyway, as I turned the corner for home I walked past this older gentleman. He smiled at me but did not make eye contact. As he passed me, his scent hit me. I was knocked for six. This man smelt like my grandfather. I don't know what it was, but I turned and watched him walk away. He had his hair cut as my grandfather did, short back and sides with a little length on top to allow for a graceful part on the side. He may have used the cream that my grandfather used to slick it down. He was wearing a knitted cardigan. He had dress pants on, iron with a crease down the legs. This is how my grandfather always dressed. I watched him walking away with a tear in my eye. A car drove past and I realised that I was staring. I turned and walked towards home.
I closed my eyes and was transported to my childhood. I could smell my grandfather in my mind. To me, my grandfather is a combination of 4 smells:
He is the smell of the earth when the rain has just fallen - rich, dusty and earthy.
He is the smell of the stranger who passed me on the street - clean and fresh.
He is the smell of peppermint on his breath as he would lean forward to kiss me hello or goodbye - sweet and minty
And he is the scent of old style cigarettes, the kind that you roll yourself - lingering and slightly bitter.
All of these would envelop you as you hugged him tight. This always made me feel safe and secure.
I miss my Pa. Today just reminded me how much this is true.
Trapped
Sometimes I feel trapped in this life. Trapped and cheated of what I want from it. Where are the things that I long for? Where is the relationships, the intimacy, the love and passion?
I am too private. I keep to many secrets from the worl. I am a victim of the image that I have created. I am often saving other people, listing to their problems, supporting their causes, handing out advice. I am unable to admit, sometimes even to myself, the misery I sometimes feel.
My life feels like a merry-go-round without the music, without the lights and laughter, without the horses and the carriages. Sometimes it goes round and round in frustrated silence. I am too scared to make a change in case everything grinds to a stop. I am scared that it will just go round and round and round without every going anywhere.
I try to do the right thing. I try not to hurt anyone. I try to conform to what I think others need and want me to be. Is this going to destroy me? Is this going to destroy those I love?
One thing I know is that faking life will eventually kill you. A death that is slow and painful to all involved.
I am too private. I keep to many secrets from the worl. I am a victim of the image that I have created. I am often saving other people, listing to their problems, supporting their causes, handing out advice. I am unable to admit, sometimes even to myself, the misery I sometimes feel.
My life feels like a merry-go-round without the music, without the lights and laughter, without the horses and the carriages. Sometimes it goes round and round in frustrated silence. I am too scared to make a change in case everything grinds to a stop. I am scared that it will just go round and round and round without every going anywhere.
I try to do the right thing. I try not to hurt anyone. I try to conform to what I think others need and want me to be. Is this going to destroy me? Is this going to destroy those I love?
One thing I know is that faking life will eventually kill you. A death that is slow and painful to all involved.
Chapter 66 "The Naked Husband" by Mark D'Arbanville
There is a woman standing on the shore, looking out to sea. She is waiting for her lover to retutn and he never comes.
Why did he leave, why did she not go with him?
Was he a fisherman, was he lost?
Or is she waiting for him to come back?
Too late to long for a lover after you have sent him away.
They cross the seas and they drown or they disappear.
Why did he leave, why did she not go with him?
Was he a fisherman, was he lost?
Or is she waiting for him to come back?
Too late to long for a lover after you have sent him away.
They cross the seas and they drown or they disappear.
The Calm
Often my mind will not be quiet. I am unable to silence it when it screams at me. Screams for doing things, for not doing things.
Right now I am calm. I am quiet and empty.
During the long nights when I can't sleep, when I toss and turn, if there is anything I seek then it is this. The calm.
If I believed in God, I would pray for this. If there is a God or something higher, for me it is this. The calm.
At night, when I long to be held there is no one. When I have to find something that will hold me when I need to hold on, it is the calm.
When I am calm. There is no anger. There is no rage. There is no want. There is no need. There is no desire. There is no hatred. No shame. No regret. No grief, nor sadness nor depression.
Most of all there is no fear. There is absolutely no fear.
When a person lives without fear, then they cannot be broken.
When a person lives with fear, then they are broken before they begins to live.
The calm is that which I am seeking. I have right now but will lose again.
Right now I am calm. I am quiet and empty.
During the long nights when I can't sleep, when I toss and turn, if there is anything I seek then it is this. The calm.
If I believed in God, I would pray for this. If there is a God or something higher, for me it is this. The calm.
At night, when I long to be held there is no one. When I have to find something that will hold me when I need to hold on, it is the calm.
When I am calm. There is no anger. There is no rage. There is no want. There is no need. There is no desire. There is no hatred. No shame. No regret. No grief, nor sadness nor depression.
Most of all there is no fear. There is absolutely no fear.
When a person lives without fear, then they cannot be broken.
When a person lives with fear, then they are broken before they begins to live.
The calm is that which I am seeking. I have right now but will lose again.
Time for a change
I've set some goals and I am going to succeed. This is my chance to change my life. This is big for me but not big for anyone else. It's all about me.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed. I will succeed.
Cath's Wedding
Today I went to Cath's wedding today and shed a tear. The bride looked stunning, she glowed. The groom looked calm and handsome. They looked at eachother with such love and longing that I was saddened and envious. Not envious of Cath, because she deserves to be happy and in love. Envious because noone is looking at me with heartbreaking desire and tenderness.
Someday it will be mine... It will be mine... It wil lbe mine...
Someday it will be me... It will be me... It will be me...
Someday someone will want to take me "for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do we part"...
And then again, it may not.
If it is to be, it will be....
Someday it will be mine... It will be mine... It wil lbe mine...
Someday it will be me... It will be me... It will be me...
Someday someone will want to take me "for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do we part"...
And then again, it may not.
If it is to be, it will be....
Good Girl
The good girl is a good girl because she behaves as everyone around her expects her to behave.
She is, without a doubt, a good daugher. If she has siblings, she is a thoughtful sister. When she has a partner, she is a great girlfriend. When she marries, she is a good wife. After she gives birth (and really before that), she is a fantastic mum.
The problem with good girls, is that when the house of cards comes down the good girl has nothing. When her parents pass away, she is lost. It hits her hard. When her husband has an affair, she is shattered. When her children grow up, she feels alone.
I'm not saying that the same situations don't hurt bad girls, it is just that the good girl has spent her life being everything to everyone else and nothing to themself.
I am not always good girl. I am glad of this.
I sometimes fight too much for the things that I want, sometimes I am a good girl and do what others want. I need to learn when it is important to fight.
She is, without a doubt, a good daugher. If she has siblings, she is a thoughtful sister. When she has a partner, she is a great girlfriend. When she marries, she is a good wife. After she gives birth (and really before that), she is a fantastic mum.
The problem with good girls, is that when the house of cards comes down the good girl has nothing. When her parents pass away, she is lost. It hits her hard. When her husband has an affair, she is shattered. When her children grow up, she feels alone.
I'm not saying that the same situations don't hurt bad girls, it is just that the good girl has spent her life being everything to everyone else and nothing to themself.
I am not always good girl. I am glad of this.
I sometimes fight too much for the things that I want, sometimes I am a good girl and do what others want. I need to learn when it is important to fight.
On the weekend
I went driving through the mountains on the weekend. My destination was a santuary, a gallery set on a couple of hectares. 93 ceremic sculptures set in some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen.
I was by myself, so I turned left when the road to the left looked interesting and turned right when there was a sign pointing me in a different direction. The weather was beautiful. The sky was filled with whisps of clouds, and the sun was warm but not burning. The mountain air was cool enough to require a light coat, but warm enough to leave it open. I took photo after photo. The shades of green are fantastic. So many different shades, so many different textures... Stunning...
On the drive home I took a detour of my own choice. I'm driving down the curving traec, loving the twists and turns in the road. I've my window down, feeling the cool breeze and the sunshin on my skin. I round a curve and the blast of smoke hits me in the face. I look left and look right and there are no flames. The next corner exposes a recently burnt hillside to my left. It's strange to see the scar of the fire. I have to pull over so that I can take some time and soak it all in. I get out and walk across the road. Before me through the burnt tree trunks is a stunningly green valley. The blackness spreads before me, contrasting with the green. I turn to cross back across the road and notice that further up the hill, the bush was burnt a little earlier. There was a mass of green where new shoots had broken through the blackness.
I'm amazed at resilence of the Australian Bush.
I was by myself, so I turned left when the road to the left looked interesting and turned right when there was a sign pointing me in a different direction. The weather was beautiful. The sky was filled with whisps of clouds, and the sun was warm but not burning. The mountain air was cool enough to require a light coat, but warm enough to leave it open. I took photo after photo. The shades of green are fantastic. So many different shades, so many different textures... Stunning...
On the drive home I took a detour of my own choice. I'm driving down the curving traec, loving the twists and turns in the road. I've my window down, feeling the cool breeze and the sunshin on my skin. I round a curve and the blast of smoke hits me in the face. I look left and look right and there are no flames. The next corner exposes a recently burnt hillside to my left. It's strange to see the scar of the fire. I have to pull over so that I can take some time and soak it all in. I get out and walk across the road. Before me through the burnt tree trunks is a stunningly green valley. The blackness spreads before me, contrasting with the green. I turn to cross back across the road and notice that further up the hill, the bush was burnt a little earlier. There was a mass of green where new shoots had broken through the blackness.
I'm amazed at resilence of the Australian Bush.
I am not anti-social
I require plenty of alone time to recharge after being in the presence of other people. I work in a job where I talk to people hours and hours a day. When I finish work I like to run away. I like to hide in my home. I am not anti-social. In a social situation, I am the social butterfly, flitting from group to group, from conversation to conversation.
Most people think that I am an extravert. This is not an act, but it is not truely me. I crave, no I need to spend time on my own. I love time on my own.
I hope that people don't see me as secretive or unfriendly... as aloof and superior... as a snob. If they do, there is nothing I can do about this. If I was a man I might be seen as mysterious or intense... as a "dark-silent" type... I am a lurker, I hang out on the fringes and I watch a lot fo what goes on.
I do get short with people. I do run out of patience, and I have a low tolerance for people who are dumb and an even shorter tolerance for people who act dumb.
I love that I can be an extrovert. I love that I am an introvert. I love the way that I am...
Most people think that I am an extravert. This is not an act, but it is not truely me. I crave, no I need to spend time on my own. I love time on my own.
I hope that people don't see me as secretive or unfriendly... as aloof and superior... as a snob. If they do, there is nothing I can do about this. If I was a man I might be seen as mysterious or intense... as a "dark-silent" type... I am a lurker, I hang out on the fringes and I watch a lot fo what goes on.
I do get short with people. I do run out of patience, and I have a low tolerance for people who are dumb and an even shorter tolerance for people who act dumb.
I love that I can be an extrovert. I love that I am an introvert. I love the way that I am...
Imperfect People
Imperfect people make this world perfect.
Imperfect people talk too loud from behind their partition at work.
Imperfect people laugh too long at a joke that was not funny.
Imperfect people walk into conversations that should not be made.
Imperfect people make logical arguements in illogical discussions.
Imperfect people bake cakes with pure butter icing.
Imperfect people have bad hair days.
Imperfect people continue to dance when the music stops.
Imperfect people drive fast in the slow lane.
Imperfect people stare at the sky as the earth crumbles around them.
Imperfect people spend more than they make on thing that they don't need.
Imperfect people wear crinkled clothes that do not match.
Imperfect people cry when they are sad or happy.
Imperfect people write notes on their hands to remind them what not to do.
Imperfect people love too wrong for too long.
Imperfect people adore melted icecream and luke warm coffee.
Imperfect people drink red wine with white fleshed fish.
Imperfect people are perfect becasuse they are imperfect in so many ways.
Imperfect people talk too loud from behind their partition at work.
Imperfect people laugh too long at a joke that was not funny.
Imperfect people walk into conversations that should not be made.
Imperfect people make logical arguements in illogical discussions.
Imperfect people bake cakes with pure butter icing.
Imperfect people have bad hair days.
Imperfect people continue to dance when the music stops.
Imperfect people drive fast in the slow lane.
Imperfect people stare at the sky as the earth crumbles around them.
Imperfect people spend more than they make on thing that they don't need.
Imperfect people wear crinkled clothes that do not match.
Imperfect people cry when they are sad or happy.
Imperfect people write notes on their hands to remind them what not to do.
Imperfect people love too wrong for too long.
Imperfect people adore melted icecream and luke warm coffee.
Imperfect people drink red wine with white fleshed fish.
Imperfect people are perfect becasuse they are imperfect in so many ways.
I love country music...
From this
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
You just can't stand
To see me happy
Seeing you hurt me
All you can
Still I go on loving you
But I never understand
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
To love and hate at the same time
The line between the two is fine
The two have owned me heart and soul
So strong that I can't let you go
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery that I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the pain of loving you
To this
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
I'll be good to him
I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there will come a day
That I'll walk alongside of him
Yes just to know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Why can't he see me
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Just have to love Dolly Parton... just have to... there is no other option
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
You just can't stand
To see me happy
Seeing you hurt me
All you can
Still I go on loving you
But I never understand
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
To love and hate at the same time
The line between the two is fine
The two have owned me heart and soul
So strong that I can't let you go
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery that I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the pain of loving you
To this
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
I'll be good to him
I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there will come a day
That I'll walk alongside of him
Yes just to know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Why can't he see me
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Just have to love Dolly Parton... just have to... there is no other option
I hope I don't end up with regret
Tonight I've been watching a TV program about women having babies.
I've always known that it is more difficult to fall pregnant, carrying a baby to term and giving birth to a healthy baby when you (as a woman) are older than 30. It is harder to fall and IVF is not always an option or even if it is, not always a solution. There is the increased chance of having a miscarriage. There are increased risks of serious illness to the baby.
For the last couple of months or more, I have been wanting to have a baby. I want to be a mum, but I am not in a relationship. Now I know that I don't need to be in a relationship or married to have a baby. I could not imagine having a child and having noone to share it with.
I hope that I don't find that in the future that I look back and regret the decisions that I have made. I think that this may be one of the few things that I may look back and regret.
I've always known that it is more difficult to fall pregnant, carrying a baby to term and giving birth to a healthy baby when you (as a woman) are older than 30. It is harder to fall and IVF is not always an option or even if it is, not always a solution. There is the increased chance of having a miscarriage. There are increased risks of serious illness to the baby.
For the last couple of months or more, I have been wanting to have a baby. I want to be a mum, but I am not in a relationship. Now I know that I don't need to be in a relationship or married to have a baby. I could not imagine having a child and having noone to share it with.
I hope that I don't find that in the future that I look back and regret the decisions that I have made. I think that this may be one of the few things that I may look back and regret.
The unsaid thoughts
Are unsaid thoughts dangerous? I conversed with an image of my ex while washing up. This is the extent of the conversation...
I pride myself on honesty, but I have been dishonest with you and with myself. The truth is that I still love you. I always have and fear that I always will.
I wanted to ask you if there was any chance for us to be together. I wanted to ask and for you to tell me yes or no. If you said yes, I would have been scared and lost. If you said no, I would have be sad and lost. I have spent a large time of my life deluding myself. I still feel like I don't know why we broke up. I'm sure that I had a significant amount of impact into this, but I don't understand my part. I don't understand wha tI need to do to improve me. I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
I still think about us. Have you been thinking about us? I think about the things that we did. I think about the places we have been, the meals that we have shared and the memories we created. I miss you. I miss the scent of you, the feel of you and the taste of you. I miss sharing my life with you, my triumphs and tragedies. I miss curling up into you and waking up with you. I miss the way that you made me feel when we were together. I miss the excitment that you brought to my life.
I pride myself on honesty, but I have been dishonest with you and with myself. The truth is that I still love you. I always have and fear that I always will.
I wanted to ask you if there was any chance for us to be together. I wanted to ask and for you to tell me yes or no. If you said yes, I would have been scared and lost. If you said no, I would have be sad and lost. I have spent a large time of my life deluding myself. I still feel like I don't know why we broke up. I'm sure that I had a significant amount of impact into this, but I don't understand my part. I don't understand wha tI need to do to improve me. I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
I still think about us. Have you been thinking about us? I think about the things that we did. I think about the places we have been, the meals that we have shared and the memories we created. I miss you. I miss the scent of you, the feel of you and the taste of you. I miss sharing my life with you, my triumphs and tragedies. I miss curling up into you and waking up with you. I miss the way that you made me feel when we were together. I miss the excitment that you brought to my life.
Feeling antisocial
I've been feeling antisocial all week. I've been rude to friends and family on the phone, I've been rude to people at work. I've had my phone off the hook since I got home from work on Friday night. I've not spoken to anyone. No person to person, no phone, no sms and no email.
I've not spent my weekend shopping, and I have not even done the groceries for next the coming week. I've spent the weekend fiddle farting around. I'm moved things from the garage to the spare room, from my room to the spare room, from the lounge room to the garage. I've swept and I've vacuumed and I plan to mop. I've soaked, and I've washed and I've dried clothing and curtains and doona covers.
I've had a face mask, a hair mask and now I'm covered in a thin layer of nutty scented body lotion. I've finished a book and I'm half way through another. I've been listening to music I rarely get a chance to listen to. I've eaten scrambled eggs for breakfast, toasted sandwiches for lunch and frozen leftovers for dinner. I've made and drunk pots of coffee. I've set my alarm for early and slept in late.
I've sorted and folded the linen closet. I've rearranged my room. I've put the spare room into a pretty image of a guest room.
I feel like I've made this weekend a cocoon for myself. It's now almost 5pm on Sunday and I'm starting to think about emerging from the cocoon to face the coming week.
Later I'll plug my phone back in and call my family to let them know that I am alive and well.
I may have been feeling antisocial, but now I am feeling settled. I like it and might have to do this more often.
I've not spent my weekend shopping, and I have not even done the groceries for next the coming week. I've spent the weekend fiddle farting around. I'm moved things from the garage to the spare room, from my room to the spare room, from the lounge room to the garage. I've swept and I've vacuumed and I plan to mop. I've soaked, and I've washed and I've dried clothing and curtains and doona covers.
I've had a face mask, a hair mask and now I'm covered in a thin layer of nutty scented body lotion. I've finished a book and I'm half way through another. I've been listening to music I rarely get a chance to listen to. I've eaten scrambled eggs for breakfast, toasted sandwiches for lunch and frozen leftovers for dinner. I've made and drunk pots of coffee. I've set my alarm for early and slept in late.
I've sorted and folded the linen closet. I've rearranged my room. I've put the spare room into a pretty image of a guest room.
I feel like I've made this weekend a cocoon for myself. It's now almost 5pm on Sunday and I'm starting to think about emerging from the cocoon to face the coming week.
Later I'll plug my phone back in and call my family to let them know that I am alive and well.
I may have been feeling antisocial, but now I am feeling settled. I like it and might have to do this more often.
It's been a while
It's been a while since I've blogged. A fair bit has happened, none of it earthshattering, but all of it adds up to a lot.
I went home to a family reunion. I caught up with a large amount of family, from near and far. It was fun and I am glad that it happnes once every couple of years.
I have been working on my resume, working on assignments.
My housemate has moved out. I have been setting my home back into my home.
I have been thinking about friends who I rarely get to. I have been weighing up relationships that I have and find some of them lacking. I don't know what to do about that.
I have been knitting.
I have been fighting loneliness and the desire to be with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't kno wif it beats faster because of the way he makes me feel or because I am scared. Maybe it is a combination of both.
I have read a couple of books and watched way too much TV.
Life is busy and it is starting to get back to some sense of normality.
I went home to a family reunion. I caught up with a large amount of family, from near and far. It was fun and I am glad that it happnes once every couple of years.
I have been working on my resume, working on assignments.
My housemate has moved out. I have been setting my home back into my home.
I have been thinking about friends who I rarely get to. I have been weighing up relationships that I have and find some of them lacking. I don't know what to do about that.
I have been knitting.
I have been fighting loneliness and the desire to be with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't kno wif it beats faster because of the way he makes me feel or because I am scared. Maybe it is a combination of both.
I have read a couple of books and watched way too much TV.
Life is busy and it is starting to get back to some sense of normality.
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