I went driving through the mountains on the weekend. My destination was a santuary, a gallery set on a couple of hectares. 93 ceremic sculptures set in some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen.
I was by myself, so I turned left when the road to the left looked interesting and turned right when there was a sign pointing me in a different direction. The weather was beautiful. The sky was filled with whisps of clouds, and the sun was warm but not burning. The mountain air was cool enough to require a light coat, but warm enough to leave it open. I took photo after photo. The shades of green are fantastic. So many different shades, so many different textures... Stunning...
On the drive home I took a detour of my own choice. I'm driving down the curving traec, loving the twists and turns in the road. I've my window down, feeling the cool breeze and the sunshin on my skin. I round a curve and the blast of smoke hits me in the face. I look left and look right and there are no flames. The next corner exposes a recently burnt hillside to my left. It's strange to see the scar of the fire. I have to pull over so that I can take some time and soak it all in. I get out and walk across the road. Before me through the burnt tree trunks is a stunningly green valley. The blackness spreads before me, contrasting with the green. I turn to cross back across the road and notice that further up the hill, the bush was burnt a little earlier. There was a mass of green where new shoots had broken through the blackness.
I'm amazed at resilence of the Australian Bush.
I am not anti-social
I require plenty of alone time to recharge after being in the presence of other people. I work in a job where I talk to people hours and hours a day. When I finish work I like to run away. I like to hide in my home. I am not anti-social. In a social situation, I am the social butterfly, flitting from group to group, from conversation to conversation.
Most people think that I am an extravert. This is not an act, but it is not truely me. I crave, no I need to spend time on my own. I love time on my own.
I hope that people don't see me as secretive or unfriendly... as aloof and superior... as a snob. If they do, there is nothing I can do about this. If I was a man I might be seen as mysterious or intense... as a "dark-silent" type... I am a lurker, I hang out on the fringes and I watch a lot fo what goes on.
I do get short with people. I do run out of patience, and I have a low tolerance for people who are dumb and an even shorter tolerance for people who act dumb.
I love that I can be an extrovert. I love that I am an introvert. I love the way that I am...
Most people think that I am an extravert. This is not an act, but it is not truely me. I crave, no I need to spend time on my own. I love time on my own.
I hope that people don't see me as secretive or unfriendly... as aloof and superior... as a snob. If they do, there is nothing I can do about this. If I was a man I might be seen as mysterious or intense... as a "dark-silent" type... I am a lurker, I hang out on the fringes and I watch a lot fo what goes on.
I do get short with people. I do run out of patience, and I have a low tolerance for people who are dumb and an even shorter tolerance for people who act dumb.
I love that I can be an extrovert. I love that I am an introvert. I love the way that I am...
Imperfect People
Imperfect people make this world perfect.
Imperfect people talk too loud from behind their partition at work.
Imperfect people laugh too long at a joke that was not funny.
Imperfect people walk into conversations that should not be made.
Imperfect people make logical arguements in illogical discussions.
Imperfect people bake cakes with pure butter icing.
Imperfect people have bad hair days.
Imperfect people continue to dance when the music stops.
Imperfect people drive fast in the slow lane.
Imperfect people stare at the sky as the earth crumbles around them.
Imperfect people spend more than they make on thing that they don't need.
Imperfect people wear crinkled clothes that do not match.
Imperfect people cry when they are sad or happy.
Imperfect people write notes on their hands to remind them what not to do.
Imperfect people love too wrong for too long.
Imperfect people adore melted icecream and luke warm coffee.
Imperfect people drink red wine with white fleshed fish.
Imperfect people are perfect becasuse they are imperfect in so many ways.
Imperfect people talk too loud from behind their partition at work.
Imperfect people laugh too long at a joke that was not funny.
Imperfect people walk into conversations that should not be made.
Imperfect people make logical arguements in illogical discussions.
Imperfect people bake cakes with pure butter icing.
Imperfect people have bad hair days.
Imperfect people continue to dance when the music stops.
Imperfect people drive fast in the slow lane.
Imperfect people stare at the sky as the earth crumbles around them.
Imperfect people spend more than they make on thing that they don't need.
Imperfect people wear crinkled clothes that do not match.
Imperfect people cry when they are sad or happy.
Imperfect people write notes on their hands to remind them what not to do.
Imperfect people love too wrong for too long.
Imperfect people adore melted icecream and luke warm coffee.
Imperfect people drink red wine with white fleshed fish.
Imperfect people are perfect becasuse they are imperfect in so many ways.
I love country music...
From this
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
You just can't stand
To see me happy
Seeing you hurt me
All you can
Still I go on loving you
But I never understand
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
To love and hate at the same time
The line between the two is fine
The two have owned me heart and soul
So strong that I can't let you go
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery that I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the pain of loving you
To this
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
I'll be good to him
I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there will come a day
That I'll walk alongside of him
Yes just to know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Why can't he see me
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Just have to love Dolly Parton... just have to... there is no other option
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
You just can't stand
To see me happy
Seeing you hurt me
All you can
Still I go on loving you
But I never understand
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
To love and hate at the same time
The line between the two is fine
The two have owned me heart and soul
So strong that I can't let you go
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the misery that I go through
Never knowing what to do
Oh the pain of loving you
Oh the pain of loving you
To this
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
I'll be good to him
I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there will come a day
That I'll walk alongside of him
Yes just to know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Why can't he see me
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do
Just have to love Dolly Parton... just have to... there is no other option
I hope I don't end up with regret
Tonight I've been watching a TV program about women having babies.
I've always known that it is more difficult to fall pregnant, carrying a baby to term and giving birth to a healthy baby when you (as a woman) are older than 30. It is harder to fall and IVF is not always an option or even if it is, not always a solution. There is the increased chance of having a miscarriage. There are increased risks of serious illness to the baby.
For the last couple of months or more, I have been wanting to have a baby. I want to be a mum, but I am not in a relationship. Now I know that I don't need to be in a relationship or married to have a baby. I could not imagine having a child and having noone to share it with.
I hope that I don't find that in the future that I look back and regret the decisions that I have made. I think that this may be one of the few things that I may look back and regret.
I've always known that it is more difficult to fall pregnant, carrying a baby to term and giving birth to a healthy baby when you (as a woman) are older than 30. It is harder to fall and IVF is not always an option or even if it is, not always a solution. There is the increased chance of having a miscarriage. There are increased risks of serious illness to the baby.
For the last couple of months or more, I have been wanting to have a baby. I want to be a mum, but I am not in a relationship. Now I know that I don't need to be in a relationship or married to have a baby. I could not imagine having a child and having noone to share it with.
I hope that I don't find that in the future that I look back and regret the decisions that I have made. I think that this may be one of the few things that I may look back and regret.
The unsaid thoughts
Are unsaid thoughts dangerous? I conversed with an image of my ex while washing up. This is the extent of the conversation...
I pride myself on honesty, but I have been dishonest with you and with myself. The truth is that I still love you. I always have and fear that I always will.
I wanted to ask you if there was any chance for us to be together. I wanted to ask and for you to tell me yes or no. If you said yes, I would have been scared and lost. If you said no, I would have be sad and lost. I have spent a large time of my life deluding myself. I still feel like I don't know why we broke up. I'm sure that I had a significant amount of impact into this, but I don't understand my part. I don't understand wha tI need to do to improve me. I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
I still think about us. Have you been thinking about us? I think about the things that we did. I think about the places we have been, the meals that we have shared and the memories we created. I miss you. I miss the scent of you, the feel of you and the taste of you. I miss sharing my life with you, my triumphs and tragedies. I miss curling up into you and waking up with you. I miss the way that you made me feel when we were together. I miss the excitment that you brought to my life.
I pride myself on honesty, but I have been dishonest with you and with myself. The truth is that I still love you. I always have and fear that I always will.
I wanted to ask you if there was any chance for us to be together. I wanted to ask and for you to tell me yes or no. If you said yes, I would have been scared and lost. If you said no, I would have be sad and lost. I have spent a large time of my life deluding myself. I still feel like I don't know why we broke up. I'm sure that I had a significant amount of impact into this, but I don't understand my part. I don't understand wha tI need to do to improve me. I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
I still think about us. Have you been thinking about us? I think about the things that we did. I think about the places we have been, the meals that we have shared and the memories we created. I miss you. I miss the scent of you, the feel of you and the taste of you. I miss sharing my life with you, my triumphs and tragedies. I miss curling up into you and waking up with you. I miss the way that you made me feel when we were together. I miss the excitment that you brought to my life.
Feeling antisocial
I've been feeling antisocial all week. I've been rude to friends and family on the phone, I've been rude to people at work. I've had my phone off the hook since I got home from work on Friday night. I've not spoken to anyone. No person to person, no phone, no sms and no email.
I've not spent my weekend shopping, and I have not even done the groceries for next the coming week. I've spent the weekend fiddle farting around. I'm moved things from the garage to the spare room, from my room to the spare room, from the lounge room to the garage. I've swept and I've vacuumed and I plan to mop. I've soaked, and I've washed and I've dried clothing and curtains and doona covers.
I've had a face mask, a hair mask and now I'm covered in a thin layer of nutty scented body lotion. I've finished a book and I'm half way through another. I've been listening to music I rarely get a chance to listen to. I've eaten scrambled eggs for breakfast, toasted sandwiches for lunch and frozen leftovers for dinner. I've made and drunk pots of coffee. I've set my alarm for early and slept in late.
I've sorted and folded the linen closet. I've rearranged my room. I've put the spare room into a pretty image of a guest room.
I feel like I've made this weekend a cocoon for myself. It's now almost 5pm on Sunday and I'm starting to think about emerging from the cocoon to face the coming week.
Later I'll plug my phone back in and call my family to let them know that I am alive and well.
I may have been feeling antisocial, but now I am feeling settled. I like it and might have to do this more often.
I've not spent my weekend shopping, and I have not even done the groceries for next the coming week. I've spent the weekend fiddle farting around. I'm moved things from the garage to the spare room, from my room to the spare room, from the lounge room to the garage. I've swept and I've vacuumed and I plan to mop. I've soaked, and I've washed and I've dried clothing and curtains and doona covers.
I've had a face mask, a hair mask and now I'm covered in a thin layer of nutty scented body lotion. I've finished a book and I'm half way through another. I've been listening to music I rarely get a chance to listen to. I've eaten scrambled eggs for breakfast, toasted sandwiches for lunch and frozen leftovers for dinner. I've made and drunk pots of coffee. I've set my alarm for early and slept in late.
I've sorted and folded the linen closet. I've rearranged my room. I've put the spare room into a pretty image of a guest room.
I feel like I've made this weekend a cocoon for myself. It's now almost 5pm on Sunday and I'm starting to think about emerging from the cocoon to face the coming week.
Later I'll plug my phone back in and call my family to let them know that I am alive and well.
I may have been feeling antisocial, but now I am feeling settled. I like it and might have to do this more often.
It's been a while
It's been a while since I've blogged. A fair bit has happened, none of it earthshattering, but all of it adds up to a lot.
I went home to a family reunion. I caught up with a large amount of family, from near and far. It was fun and I am glad that it happnes once every couple of years.
I have been working on my resume, working on assignments.
My housemate has moved out. I have been setting my home back into my home.
I have been thinking about friends who I rarely get to. I have been weighing up relationships that I have and find some of them lacking. I don't know what to do about that.
I have been knitting.
I have been fighting loneliness and the desire to be with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't kno wif it beats faster because of the way he makes me feel or because I am scared. Maybe it is a combination of both.
I have read a couple of books and watched way too much TV.
Life is busy and it is starting to get back to some sense of normality.
I went home to a family reunion. I caught up with a large amount of family, from near and far. It was fun and I am glad that it happnes once every couple of years.
I have been working on my resume, working on assignments.
My housemate has moved out. I have been setting my home back into my home.
I have been thinking about friends who I rarely get to. I have been weighing up relationships that I have and find some of them lacking. I don't know what to do about that.
I have been knitting.
I have been fighting loneliness and the desire to be with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't kno wif it beats faster because of the way he makes me feel or because I am scared. Maybe it is a combination of both.
I have read a couple of books and watched way too much TV.
Life is busy and it is starting to get back to some sense of normality.
Old Age
I have found that now I am of a certain age, that I am more... more something... I want to say tolerant, but know that my lack of tolerance sometimes frustrates me. Maybe it is that I am more distant. I have separated myself more from people and situations. I am one step back, which means that it takes longer for me to burn hot with fury, to laugh out loud at an amusing moment.
I feel that I can recognise the patterns in life. I feel that I have identified most of the tempations. I know the way the people use people, as I find myself often using people.
There is no glamour in the menial corruptions that happen each day. The fun of conspiracy has decreased. I am more likely to tell someone that I have hiden their prized item and moments later am returning that item. Years ago I could take and hide an item for weeks and get immense pleasure from the deception and deceipt.
I'm no so old that I don't want to waste the energy. I am happy to watch those younger doing their bit. I am happy to advise them on the evil that they can create. I just don't bother any more.
I feel that I can recognise the patterns in life. I feel that I have identified most of the tempations. I know the way the people use people, as I find myself often using people.
There is no glamour in the menial corruptions that happen each day. The fun of conspiracy has decreased. I am more likely to tell someone that I have hiden their prized item and moments later am returning that item. Years ago I could take and hide an item for weeks and get immense pleasure from the deception and deceipt.
I'm no so old that I don't want to waste the energy. I am happy to watch those younger doing their bit. I am happy to advise them on the evil that they can create. I just don't bother any more.
Have I passed love by?
Have I passed love by or has love passed me by,
I am starting to wonder if I am going to turn into an old bachelorette. I fear that I am going to become one of those bitter old bachelorettes. I know that I will never have a hundred kittens, but I may have the personality.
Love is always lurking around the corner. Other people seem to find it, tripping over love when they least expect it. I have fallen over once, it hurt, but the wounds stopped bleeding.
I am concerned that I never had the capacity to love as others need to be loved. I am worried that all that I have to offer is never going to be enough. I know that I can be annoying, and I know that I have things that I do are frustrating, but I can't change who I am. I can't even minimise it if noone tells me what is wrong with me.
I wake up in the morning and I wonder if this is it. I wonder if this is all tha tlife has to offer. I think that something has to change, that I have to change, but I don't know what that thing is. I don't know what to do to make me better. I don't know if I am going to do it even if I could find out.
I'm worried about just making do. I worry about taking a chance and that chance being the wrong one. I worry about not taking a chance and that chance being the right one. I'm worried about living the life I live now forever. I am worried that I won't grow, that I won't find love. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married. I want to make a home with someone. I think I want to have a baby. I don't know about the last one, but I want more. Unfortunately I want these things and I want it all. I want love and family and a future.
Has love passed me by? Have I passed love by?
I am starting to wonder if I am going to turn into an old bachelorette. I fear that I am going to become one of those bitter old bachelorettes. I know that I will never have a hundred kittens, but I may have the personality.
Love is always lurking around the corner. Other people seem to find it, tripping over love when they least expect it. I have fallen over once, it hurt, but the wounds stopped bleeding.
I am concerned that I never had the capacity to love as others need to be loved. I am worried that all that I have to offer is never going to be enough. I know that I can be annoying, and I know that I have things that I do are frustrating, but I can't change who I am. I can't even minimise it if noone tells me what is wrong with me.
I wake up in the morning and I wonder if this is it. I wonder if this is all tha tlife has to offer. I think that something has to change, that I have to change, but I don't know what that thing is. I don't know what to do to make me better. I don't know if I am going to do it even if I could find out.
I'm worried about just making do. I worry about taking a chance and that chance being the wrong one. I worry about not taking a chance and that chance being the right one. I'm worried about living the life I live now forever. I am worried that I won't grow, that I won't find love. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married. I want to make a home with someone. I think I want to have a baby. I don't know about the last one, but I want more. Unfortunately I want these things and I want it all. I want love and family and a future.
Has love passed me by? Have I passed love by?
Loneliness
Sometimes I am alone. My life feels to be in the middle of nowhere. I have been known to isolate myself, by my actions and my words.
For me, loneliness no longer holds the intense fear that it once did.
Loneliness is female. She is female because at times she is happy to linger in the background and watch my life move past her. Sometimes she is so loud that I have to put both of my hands over my ears with the hope of reducing her ear-bleeding scream. Sometimes she is so strong that I alone can exist in her presence.
I know her boundaries. I have mapped her highs and lows. I know how she feels. I know what she likes and what she does not.
I have not lost the capacity to feel lonely, I fear loosing that. If I lost the capacity to feel loneliness I would fear that I had lost the capacity to feel. At times, when I have feared that I would never feel anything again I rejoiced in the visits from loneliness. Loneliness has been my friend, my lover and my sworn enemy at different times.
For me, loneliness no longer holds the intense fear that it once did.
Loneliness is female. She is female because at times she is happy to linger in the background and watch my life move past her. Sometimes she is so loud that I have to put both of my hands over my ears with the hope of reducing her ear-bleeding scream. Sometimes she is so strong that I alone can exist in her presence.
I know her boundaries. I have mapped her highs and lows. I know how she feels. I know what she likes and what she does not.
I have not lost the capacity to feel lonely, I fear loosing that. If I lost the capacity to feel loneliness I would fear that I had lost the capacity to feel. At times, when I have feared that I would never feel anything again I rejoiced in the visits from loneliness. Loneliness has been my friend, my lover and my sworn enemy at different times.
To start something new, something old has to end...
How do I make something end that I want to end?
I don't know how to make the past end so that something new can begin... I need to make new things begin...
I thought that if I just continued and lived one day at a time that things would come to an end so that new things could begin. Don't get me wrong, I don't imagine that things are going to begin imediately after to old things end. I imagined some time of morning, but I am in limbo and don't know how to move on.
I have been looking around at places to escape to. I have been tossing up with the idea of moving back to my home state, of starting a new job and therefore a new but old life.
Is this running back towards something that I ran away from? I don't know. I want something new I want to discard the old. This is not ignoring the past as my past contributes to who I am. This is just so that I can place the past in the past.
I want to move on from all the things that hold me back to become all that I hope that I am meant to be.
I don't know how to make the past end so that something new can begin... I need to make new things begin...
I thought that if I just continued and lived one day at a time that things would come to an end so that new things could begin. Don't get me wrong, I don't imagine that things are going to begin imediately after to old things end. I imagined some time of morning, but I am in limbo and don't know how to move on.
I have been looking around at places to escape to. I have been tossing up with the idea of moving back to my home state, of starting a new job and therefore a new but old life.
Is this running back towards something that I ran away from? I don't know. I want something new I want to discard the old. This is not ignoring the past as my past contributes to who I am. This is just so that I can place the past in the past.
I want to move on from all the things that hold me back to become all that I hope that I am meant to be.
Someone elses wisdom
1) change is unchangable
2) no one has the power to change the unchangable
3) I love myself as I am
4) resisting adversity many people break other break records
5) to see the things as it
6) to err is human and we all are humans
7) it is very difficult to change the other person, a better option is for you to change and be happy
8) the man who wins is the man who thinks he can
9) I believe in win-win policy
10) the harder you work the lucker you go
11) success requires calculated risk and planned consistent efforts
2) no one has the power to change the unchangable
3) I love myself as I am
4) resisting adversity many people break other break records
5) to see the things as it
6) to err is human and we all are humans
7) it is very difficult to change the other person, a better option is for you to change and be happy
8) the man who wins is the man who thinks he can
9) I believe in win-win policy
10) the harder you work the lucker you go
11) success requires calculated risk and planned consistent efforts
Don't do it...
Tell me not to do it... I've been thinking about it endlessly for days. I should not do it... I am not going to do it... if you tell me not to do it...
I wish I had never asked
I had been hoping that you had been missing me. Sometimes I am not as strong as I seem. You sent me postcards when you were overseas. I thought that it meant something. I was wrong.
I dared to ask you why you had sent the postcards. I hoped that you wanted me, thought of me, missed me, or loved me. I was wrong. You sent me postcards because I asked. I don't remember asking, but I don't doubt you.
I wish I had never asked for you to send the postcards.
I wish I had never asked why.
I dared to ask you why you had sent the postcards. I hoped that you wanted me, thought of me, missed me, or loved me. I was wrong. You sent me postcards because I asked. I don't remember asking, but I don't doubt you.
I wish I had never asked for you to send the postcards.
I wish I had never asked why.
My Home
Tonight I celebrate my home.
My home right now is in a tiny 2 bedroom flat. I have a small backyard that I constantly need to mow, a small front garden that I really should do more with. My home is my home, it is filled with the things that make me smile.
Some people view my home as somewhere to far from anywhere. It is ideal for me, it is close to work and close to everywhere I need to go. It is close to both train and bus to go to the city.
Some people view my home as a place that is empty of creative spaces. A place does not a creative space make. A creative space is creative because of the people that are in it. A creative spaces is creative because the people in it create.
Some people view my home as a place that they would rather not be. That is fine as this is my home. This is the place that I feel secure and comfortable.
No, my home is not trendy, but then neither am I.
Yes, my home could use some repair work, but then so could I.
My home is not brave because my heart is not brave. I am just a small country town girl. I moved to a new city and this place felt like home when I walked into it. This place was comfortable when I was searching hard for comfort.
My home by definition is my space. It is a space that I have invited people to share. If they don't like it, then they are more than welcome to leave. My home is my place for retreat, my place for solace and my place to come home to. When friends imply that my home is not good enough, they imply that I am not good enough.
It hurts me when they critise my home. This is where I choose to live. Where I have invited them to share. It hurts me as I have openly shared this space with them more than once. It hurts me more than they know.
All are welcome to come and stay in my home, but don't critise because it is a reflecion of me. Yes, I know that my home is not \their ideal... but remember that this is my home.
My home, my choice, my celebration...
My home right now is in a tiny 2 bedroom flat. I have a small backyard that I constantly need to mow, a small front garden that I really should do more with. My home is my home, it is filled with the things that make me smile.
Some people view my home as somewhere to far from anywhere. It is ideal for me, it is close to work and close to everywhere I need to go. It is close to both train and bus to go to the city.
Some people view my home as a place that is empty of creative spaces. A place does not a creative space make. A creative space is creative because of the people that are in it. A creative spaces is creative because the people in it create.
Some people view my home as a place that they would rather not be. That is fine as this is my home. This is the place that I feel secure and comfortable.
No, my home is not trendy, but then neither am I.
Yes, my home could use some repair work, but then so could I.
My home is not brave because my heart is not brave. I am just a small country town girl. I moved to a new city and this place felt like home when I walked into it. This place was comfortable when I was searching hard for comfort.
My home by definition is my space. It is a space that I have invited people to share. If they don't like it, then they are more than welcome to leave. My home is my place for retreat, my place for solace and my place to come home to. When friends imply that my home is not good enough, they imply that I am not good enough.
It hurts me when they critise my home. This is where I choose to live. Where I have invited them to share. It hurts me as I have openly shared this space with them more than once. It hurts me more than they know.
All are welcome to come and stay in my home, but don't critise because it is a reflecion of me. Yes, I know that my home is not \their ideal... but remember that this is my home.
My home, my choice, my celebration...
Life is all about celebration
Everyone needs to celebrate
Celebrate whatever makes you feel good
Celebrate your hair, your butt, your laugh, your eyes, your smile, your shoes or your thighs
Celebrate your imagination or your loyalty or your willingness to give all
Celebrate your past, your present and your future
Celebrate your past, your present and your future mistakes
Celebrate the little things that make you different
Celebrate your most secretive fantasies
Celebrate your choices - your job, your friends, your food, your mood
Celebrate the silence, the chaos
Celebrate your freedoms
Celebrate humankind
Celebrate ypi
Celebrate, simple but perhaps not that easy
Celebrate whatever makes you feel good
Celebrate your hair, your butt, your laugh, your eyes, your smile, your shoes or your thighs
Celebrate your imagination or your loyalty or your willingness to give all
Celebrate your past, your present and your future
Celebrate your past, your present and your future mistakes
Celebrate the little things that make you different
Celebrate your most secretive fantasies
Celebrate your choices - your job, your friends, your food, your mood
Celebrate the silence, the chaos
Celebrate your freedoms
Celebrate humankind
Celebrate ypi
Celebrate, simple but perhaps not that easy
Long Time Between Posts
So, it has been a long time between posts. In that time, I have had my birthday, celebrated Christmas and seen in the new year.
Sometimes things change and sometimes they don't.
This Christmas I spent with friends and family. There was a large amount of laughter and love. There was teasing and tormenting. There was way too much food. I really enjoyed the time that I spent with the friends and family that I live thousands of kilometres from.
This new year I thought of all the things that have happened in the last 12 months. I've thought of the hurts that have healed and the hurts that have not. I wonder about the wounds that become scars. I think of all the scars that make up me and my past. Some I remember fondly, some I remember with pain. I think of all th things that I want and the fact that some of them will not come true in the next 12 months. I think of the ones that will become true and all the things that this means for me. I think of my family and the wonderful joys that will come. I worry about the sorrow that may also come. Each time I go home, I dread that it will be the last time I go home and chat with my Nana. I dread that my next trip home will be to bury her. I am not ready to say goodbye to any more of my history. It will happen but I am not going to prepare for it.
I have a lot of dreams that I hope will come true this year. Some things are within my control. These are the things that I will take action on.
I don't do resolutions, because I always disappoint myself. We'll see if I am a stronger person this year. For all the things that I am and to all the things that I will be, I give thanks that I have seen 2007 in in health.
To good times, to good friends, to new adventures and old memories. May they all be balanced this year - for both you and me...
Sometimes things change and sometimes they don't.
This Christmas I spent with friends and family. There was a large amount of laughter and love. There was teasing and tormenting. There was way too much food. I really enjoyed the time that I spent with the friends and family that I live thousands of kilometres from.
This new year I thought of all the things that have happened in the last 12 months. I've thought of the hurts that have healed and the hurts that have not. I wonder about the wounds that become scars. I think of all the scars that make up me and my past. Some I remember fondly, some I remember with pain. I think of all th things that I want and the fact that some of them will not come true in the next 12 months. I think of the ones that will become true and all the things that this means for me. I think of my family and the wonderful joys that will come. I worry about the sorrow that may also come. Each time I go home, I dread that it will be the last time I go home and chat with my Nana. I dread that my next trip home will be to bury her. I am not ready to say goodbye to any more of my history. It will happen but I am not going to prepare for it.
I have a lot of dreams that I hope will come true this year. Some things are within my control. These are the things that I will take action on.
I don't do resolutions, because I always disappoint myself. We'll see if I am a stronger person this year. For all the things that I am and to all the things that I will be, I give thanks that I have seen 2007 in in health.
To good times, to good friends, to new adventures and old memories. May they all be balanced this year - for both you and me...
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